When I joined twitter a few years ago someone had RT'd (retweeted) the Bloggess aka Jenny Lawson aka Queen Awesome Pants, into my timeline. I visited her blog and was instantly drawn to Jenny's sailor mouth, insane humor and honesty. I could go on for paragraph's explaining just how awesome Jenny is, but I suggest you just go visit her blog and check her out.
I was fortunate to kind of chit-chat with Jenny on twitter. She RT'd some of my tweets, and one actually also got RT'd by Jery Ryan aka Borg, "7 of 9," from, "Star Trek." How awesome is that? And it was about a bug that could deafen you with its penis. Even better. Then there was the unidentifiable taxidermied head she found that we agreed was Mr. Tumnus.
So being a super-amazing blogger it only came natural that Jenny write a super-awesome book. As soon as, "Let's Pretend This Never Happened," was released, I had to read it. Lucky for me it was around the time I had to go to CHA and fly by myself. I have horrible anxiety and being an admitted complete and utter ditz and airhead, travelling by myself and going into unknown situations pretty much turns me into a total basket case. Jenny's book made my flights seem to pass in minutes. I desperately tried to do the silent laugh to avoid having people look at me, but I think my muffled sounds ended up coming out like fart noises. Whatever. I have to say one of my favorite chapter's in the book was towards the beginning when Jenny thought she was being given a psychic magical squirrel by her father. She had big plans for that squirrel... Hollywood plans. Then it turned out that her father had stuck his hand up the squirrel's ass like a puppet.
One of my favorite lines from the book is, "... You should accept who you are, flaws and all, because if you try to be someone you aren't then eventually some turkey is going to shit all over your well-crafted facade, so you might as well save yourself the effort and enjoy your zombie books."
If you don't want to read her book by now, you must be clinically insane. Or totally normal. Because normal people probably only read things like Readers Digest and the fine-print on prescription bottles. At any rate, you can imagine how excited I was to meet Jenny in person when she was coming to town for a book signing. Since I had the eBook and I'm saving every last penny I can for NY and Ranger U later this month, I wanted to have Jenny sign something... fun. One night while rummaging around in the garage I found some old church books that had belonged to Matt's step-sister. One was titled, "I am a Child of God," and the other, "Prayer." I thought they were perfect. I tweeted a photo of them to Jenny and she said that we were going to Hell. I told her they're Mormon books and Mormon's don't believe in Hell, so I think we would be good.
I got to the Barnes and Noble about twenty minutes early and it was packed. I didn't mind there were no chairs so I grabbed an end-cap and patiently waited. Jenny came in and read a chapter from the book which was about the time she overdosed on chocolate laxatives and her possible rapist cat was pushing love notes and band-aids under the bathroom door... or something like that.
Then came the usual question and answer time and Jenny continued to crack everyone up while giving some pretty darn good advice. Then it was time to stand in line to get our books and things signed. I stood and went over all of the things I planned on saying and questions I wanted to ask. I talked to other people in line about Doctor Who and how the only thing I liked about Amy Pond was the way she said, "Rory." I finally got up to meet Jenny and it was complete and utter verbal diarrhea out of my mouth. Kind of like the first time I did a video of Tim Holtz at CHA and I made up some word calling him, "Abfanomenable," (absolutely fabulous phenomenal) or something like that. Good times. Jenny wanted to read through the, "I am a Child of God," book but I was acting like a five year old pageant girl that just got a yard long pixie stick and couldn't focus. I should have just GIVEN her the stupid book and had her sign something else I had in my bag. Like a DSLR lens... how many people have a camera lens signed by the Bloggess? Ummm... No one. Luckily she opened it and looked at it because I totally forgot I drew a picture of a dalek Beyonce on my iPad once for her after I saw her Doctor Who trading cards and decided she needed an archenemy and a dalek Beyonce was the only logical choice.
After some more verbal diarrhea and me rambling and probably not making any sense whatsoever and snapped a couple photos I said goodbye to Jenny. I stepped outside of the Barnes and Noble and thought, "What the HELL did I just say?" I resisted the urge to walk back inside to try and convince her I'm not a total space-case, but well... I am. And I didn't want to come off stalker and crazyish, because that would TOTALLY be a great impression to give Jenny.
Let's Pretend This Never Happened," and check out Jenny's blog. It's great. Seriously.
A special thank you to Copernicus (the stuffed monkey) who held a copy of the book in front of my cleavage.